It took Ian a few minutes before they could respond, hands clenched in front of them, eyes still closed. "I wish that I could say my only familiarity with such stories is in fiction." Though finding out how much fiction is apparently real... They shook their head. "Details differ but... it is far too familiar a story. And I wish it wasn't. Programing won't be enough to fix this, I can help certainly... but more than tech support... I suspect what Sun needs is an accomplice," they said softly.
A deep breath. "There are people who are allies, who stand on the sidelines and cheer for someone, cheerlead them. People who are with them after they are shoved down to help patch them up. And allies are important. People who see the reason you have been shoved down more than they see you. Generally they care, but at the end of the day, allies get to go home. Back into their safe little bubbles."
"Then there are friends. People who genuinely care about you, not because of whatever minority you belong to but because they love you. And they're the ones you can really open up to, the ones you can talk to, the ones you can tell about your darkest moments. They care about you but... At the same time there can be distance, even with close friends. They care about you and worry about you, but you care about them back. So much so that to keep them safe... you o what you think is best from them. You close off the parts that hurt the worst because there is nothing they can do to help and knowing they can't help will just hurt them, without being able to fix anything. And that... over time... can become pushing them away. You tell yourself it is for their sake, and maybe they are trying to be considerate and back off thinking that it means that you need space and you're both so well meaning that you wind up alone again." A hard swallow.
"Not knocking friends, of course. I love my friends. But there are things I've never told them. I mean, why would I? Things that happened in the past that they can't fix." Because they were all too moral, Ian hoped, to give into the temptation to fix an old hurt that didn't actually successfully kill anyone. Going back to save Addison's life was one thing. Going back to be there for Ben when he was feeling alone as a kid so he'd have a support network, being there for Ian so that maybe they didn't try to... It wasn't the reason Quantum Leap existed. They were fine after all that. Really. And besides, changing things like that could have untold ripple effects that were off the scale of even Ziggy's ability to calculate. It was why Ben had to tread so carefully around Addison's father...
"But an Accomplice..." At least there was no need to try and wedge a sports metaphor into the discussion. "An Accomplice could be someone who started out as a friend or an ally or someone else going through something similar or even a stranger who was there at the wrong moment but is doing their very best to make it the right moment." A deep breath. "An accomplice is someone who puts themselves on the line, puts themself at the same risks you are at to be there with you and try to help you. Sometimes it makes a friendship stronger, turns an ally or a stranger into a friend at the end of the day. But sometimes an accomplice is there for a pivotal moment and then you never see them again. Because the thing is... what happens after can be life changing, but it isn't the point. The point is that moment, that one intense moment when everything was crashing down, when everything was falling apart and someone else was there with you. In the same danger. Working together to get you both through. Not a hero on a white horse riding in to vanquish a villain.... but someone who made the braver choice not to stand between you and danger, but to stand with you in the danger."
Ian took a deep breath again then finally opened their eyes and looked at Foulques. "If the people who tormented Sun showed up here and you fought them and I helped Sun hide... maybe we're friends to Sun, maybe we're allies. But neither of those things are what Sun needs to stop the nightmares. What Sun needs is for us to stand with him and help him stop them. If somehow magically you were back in my childhood and beat up all my old bullies and they never bullied me again... I would be safe from them, sure. But what about the next bully? Or the next." Ian shook their head. "Killing the ones who tormented Sun might make Sun safe from them, and will probably make you feel better, like you did something good for a friend. But in the back of Sun's mind? Will alway be the thought that this is proof his negative self image was right all along. If even you don't have faith that he can be part of his solution... then why should he think he can. If you really want to help him, if we really want to help him... We need to stand with him. Not behind him in support, not in front to protect, but with. We have to be willing to step into that same danger, put ourselves on the line... With Sun. Not for Sun."
And.... Ian had no clue if that would make any sense to Foulques, but they had had to try.
"I'll do what I can with the programming to fix what the hacker did," Ian said, sitting up more. "But Sun is a person and while I probably could program away a lot of his fears... it would also program away him. And that I refuse to do. And I hope you'll respect that."
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A deep breath. "There are people who are allies, who stand on the sidelines and cheer for someone, cheerlead them. People who are with them after they are shoved down to help patch them up. And allies are important. People who see the reason you have been shoved down more than they see you. Generally they care, but at the end of the day, allies get to go home. Back into their safe little bubbles."
"Then there are friends. People who genuinely care about you, not because of whatever minority you belong to but because they love you. And they're the ones you can really open up to, the ones you can talk to, the ones you can tell about your darkest moments. They care about you but... At the same time there can be distance, even with close friends. They care about you and worry about you, but you care about them back. So much so that to keep them safe... you o what you think is best from them. You close off the parts that hurt the worst because there is nothing they can do to help and knowing they can't help will just hurt them, without being able to fix anything. And that... over time... can become pushing them away. You tell yourself it is for their sake, and maybe they are trying to be considerate and back off thinking that it means that you need space and you're both so well meaning that you wind up alone again." A hard swallow.
"Not knocking friends, of course. I love my friends. But there are things I've never told them. I mean, why would I? Things that happened in the past that they can't fix." Because they were all too moral, Ian hoped, to give into the temptation to fix an old hurt that didn't actually successfully kill anyone. Going back to save Addison's life was one thing. Going back to be there for Ben when he was feeling alone as a kid so he'd have a support network, being there for Ian so that maybe they didn't try to... It wasn't the reason Quantum Leap existed. They were fine after all that. Really. And besides, changing things like that could have untold ripple effects that were off the scale of even Ziggy's ability to calculate. It was why Ben had to tread so carefully around Addison's father...
"But an Accomplice..." At least there was no need to try and wedge a sports metaphor into the discussion. "An Accomplice could be someone who started out as a friend or an ally or someone else going through something similar or even a stranger who was there at the wrong moment but is doing their very best to make it the right moment." A deep breath. "An accomplice is someone who puts themselves on the line, puts themself at the same risks you are at to be there with you and try to help you. Sometimes it makes a friendship stronger, turns an ally or a stranger into a friend at the end of the day. But sometimes an accomplice is there for a pivotal moment and then you never see them again. Because the thing is... what happens after can be life changing, but it isn't the point. The point is that moment, that one intense moment when everything was crashing down, when everything was falling apart and someone else was there with you. In the same danger. Working together to get you both through. Not a hero on a white horse riding in to vanquish a villain.... but someone who made the braver choice not to stand between you and danger, but to stand with you in the danger."
Ian took a deep breath again then finally opened their eyes and looked at Foulques. "If the people who tormented Sun showed up here and you fought them and I helped Sun hide... maybe we're friends to Sun, maybe we're allies. But neither of those things are what Sun needs to stop the nightmares. What Sun needs is for us to stand with him and help him stop them. If somehow magically you were back in my childhood and beat up all my old bullies and they never bullied me again... I would be safe from them, sure. But what about the next bully? Or the next." Ian shook their head. "Killing the ones who tormented Sun might make Sun safe from them, and will probably make you feel better, like you did something good for a friend. But in the back of Sun's mind? Will alway be the thought that this is proof his negative self image was right all along. If even you don't have faith that he can be part of his solution... then why should he think he can. If you really want to help him, if we really want to help him... We need to stand with him. Not behind him in support, not in front to protect, but with. We have to be willing to step into that same danger, put ourselves on the line... With Sun. Not for Sun."
And.... Ian had no clue if that would make any sense to Foulques, but they had had to try.
"I'll do what I can with the programming to fix what the hacker did," Ian said, sitting up more. "But Sun is a person and while I probably could program away a lot of his fears... it would also program away him. And that I refuse to do. And I hope you'll respect that."