Ian leaned back. "The problem is pretty much found in your story. Until that moment comes... Sun, Chara, you, me, anyone really... especially anyone who has ever been betrayed before or who has betrayed someone themselves... we all have that little voice in our heads reminding ourselves that the dedication to stand with someone else is untested. But if we're lucky, there never is a chance to test it. And for some of us, that is a blade that cuts no matter what happens. There is never anything where someone needs to stand with you, so you always doubt if they will... or something that bad happens and they do stand with you... and you forever blame yourself that they got burned in your fire. Sometimes being alive... just that, just being alive... is really really difficult."
Ian ran a hand through their hair. "With Chara... on the surface it is easier, they're a child. So you can stand between them and danger more without doing damage, and even a child who has been betrayed as much as Chara has... There is still the chance that they want to believe more than they are afraid to. But for someone like Sun..." Someone like Ian as well, to a lesser degree these days. As a teen though...
"For someone like Sun... he may find it hard to believe. Because like you he's been betrayed before. It becomes hard to trust when there is no proof. And when there is proof there is always guilt that the person who stood with you got hurt possibly. Because of you. And also guilt at the relief you feel that they proved trust worthy because then you feel guilty for ever having doubted them. Sometimes... it feels easier to try and keep a distance to keep from those thoughts. To keep others safe from the fires you face and to keep yourself safe from the fear of betrayal and the guilt if it doesn't come. It... isn't the most fun ride ever. But that distance... it isn't good either. It is so lonely it is painful, and the guilt is still there. All the people you hurt trying to protect yourself by pushing them away."
"So far... I've only found two things that truly help, and neither of them is easy. Time is one. Patience is the other. No matter what you or I do for Sun, or each other even... it isn't going to be as easy as we might hope for the person we want to be there for to be able to fully trust that we will stand with them, no matter how much they want to trust. I've... I've pushed so many people away so many times, only to desperately try to claw them back because alone is just so... empty. We need to have patience with them. And... with ourselves. Life is messy. No matter what species or race or marginalized group we come from... being alive is hard work. And...."
They winced. "And I just went way off field on a tangent and lost my point in the middle there. Sorry. The point I was trying to make was that I believe you when you say you'll be there to stand with Sun and Chara. But my believing it doesn't mean they will. And them wanting to believe doesn't mean they will either. And sometimes it can be hard to not be believed, not be trusted... Sometimes it is harder to stand there at the side of someone at war with themselves than you think you can take. And... Yeah, I've lost my point again. Really wishing Ben were here right now."
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Ian ran a hand through their hair. "With Chara... on the surface it is easier, they're a child. So you can stand between them and danger more without doing damage, and even a child who has been betrayed as much as Chara has... There is still the chance that they want to believe more than they are afraid to. But for someone like Sun..." Someone like Ian as well, to a lesser degree these days. As a teen though...
"For someone like Sun... he may find it hard to believe. Because like you he's been betrayed before. It becomes hard to trust when there is no proof. And when there is proof there is always guilt that the person who stood with you got hurt possibly. Because of you. And also guilt at the relief you feel that they proved trust worthy because then you feel guilty for ever having doubted them. Sometimes... it feels easier to try and keep a distance to keep from those thoughts. To keep others safe from the fires you face and to keep yourself safe from the fear of betrayal and the guilt if it doesn't come. It... isn't the most fun ride ever. But that distance... it isn't good either. It is so lonely it is painful, and the guilt is still there. All the people you hurt trying to protect yourself by pushing them away."
"So far... I've only found two things that truly help, and neither of them is easy. Time is one. Patience is the other. No matter what you or I do for Sun, or each other even... it isn't going to be as easy as we might hope for the person we want to be there for to be able to fully trust that we will stand with them, no matter how much they want to trust. I've... I've pushed so many people away so many times, only to desperately try to claw them back because alone is just so... empty. We need to have patience with them. And... with ourselves. Life is messy. No matter what species or race or marginalized group we come from... being alive is hard work. And...."
They winced. "And I just went way off field on a tangent and lost my point in the middle there. Sorry. The point I was trying to make was that I believe you when you say you'll be there to stand with Sun and Chara. But my believing it doesn't mean they will. And them wanting to believe doesn't mean they will either. And sometimes it can be hard to not be believed, not be trusted... Sometimes it is harder to stand there at the side of someone at war with themselves than you think you can take. And... Yeah, I've lost my point again. Really wishing Ben were here right now."