Don't Be Afraid To Be Who You Are - Isle Side

[missrecalled_mods]

The Rain Rain Rain Came Down Down Down

Just over a week after the Isle visit people would find themselves drawn outside. The weather was finally getting warmer, but that wasn't all of it. A strange foul smelling - and fairly toxic - mold had begun growing in some of the classrooms. Thankfully not the ones where people were sleeping but it was still enough to make it unpleasant to remain indoors. Some might blame the growth of the mold on a certain obsessive compulsive cleaner, though others might say that he just discovered it and accidentally gave it access to oxygen and such.

Whichever the reason, sleeping outside for a few days was sounding like a better and better plan with every passing minute. Even the drizzling weather couldn't make the indoors terribly appealing for anyone with a sense of smell.

And it was over night on one such night that the rain was... different. Warmer and a bit tingly. And some people would awaken quite a bit older than when they fell asleep, perhaps. Their memories might have caught up with their age, or might come to them slowly. However it happens, there might be some very confusing moments as those who seemed to be young just a moment before are now... less so.

Gift In Time Gift In Time Nary A Reason Nary A Rhyme Gift In Time!

Weirdly, there was something good to come not long after the rain. In addition to aging some folks up, it also seemed to wash away the worst of the mold, allowing people to return indoors once more. And each of them would find, soon after, in some place that they considered theirs... a small gift. It was rare that positive things happened on the Isle, but perhaps this was a sign of things to come.

Or perhaps even a broken clock is right once in a blue moon...

Comments

[mist_the_point]

Foulques tilted his head slightly in confusion at the term 'accomplice'. He'd only ever really heard the term used before with regards to one who aided in committing a crime, but it didn't sound like that was what Ian was referring to. Thankfully, an explanation followed directly after, and he listened as they detailed the differences between an ally, a friend, and an accomplice in this context.

He nodded his understanding of the term ally. Though he was more used to hearing it in terms of nations than individuals, the definition still fit. Two or more who were united in common cause, enjoyed cordial relations, and who would aid one another in times of danger, but in the end, retained a degree of separation.

Friends too, he understood the definition of, though he frowned as he nodded. Those he had thought were his friends had proved to be nothing of the sort. And that betrayal had left a deep wound, one that left him fearful of using the term again. Naming a thing made it real, made it something that could be broken or taken away. So perhaps in his own way, he was following the rest of the definition Ian laid out as well.

The definition of accomplice though... struck home in a way they couldn't know. It made a wonderful and terrible sort of sense, and explained why the wound had cut so deep. But he allowed them to finish without interrupting.

The last bit, however came as something of a surprise, and it was obvious in Foulques' expression. "Truthfully I hadn't even considered the possibility that you might be able to do more than correct the damage done by the attacker," he said. "But rest assured that I would never ask you to do such a thing. Tis perilously close to Tempering, an ability used by entities called Primals to impose their own will on unwitting victims." His expression turned grim. "And though the results of such alterations as you mentioned would not be nearly so dangerous, still... suffice to say that death is considered a mercy in cases of Tempering. The person who was once there is gone; there is only the will of the Primal."

He shook his head with a sigh, before getting back to the meat of the explanation Ian had offered. "I believe I understand the rest of what you've said, however. Parts of it better than you could know. I had once asked those I thought to be my friends to stand with me in such a manner, you see, and yet when the time came..." He trailed off though, with a thoughtful frown, reconsidering.

"Perhaps I should begin nearer the beginning," he said after a moment. "As a young man, I joined the Lancer's guild. As a Duskwight, I faced much prejudice and had to put in twice the effort to be considered as skilled as my fellows, but nonetheless I persevered, and was proud of the opportunity to stand in defense of my homeland as a Wood Wailer. Over time I made a number of friends in the guild and believed that I had at last found a place where I would be valued and not judged for simply being born to the 'wrong' race."

"But as noble as the Wood Wailers' mission might profess to be, they do not provide. Our wages were not enough to sustain us, and out of desperation, I conspired with a number of my closest friends to steal from the guild's coffers. We were not caught, but it quickly became clear that it had been done from within, and suspicion hung heavy over the guild. At last, unable to bear the guilt any longer, I convinced my friends to join me in confessing. If we stood together, I reasoned, not only would our punishment be less severe, but perhaps we might provide impetus for positive change if we explained why we had acted so."

"I asked them to stand with me, and each swore that they would. And yet when the time came, and I stepped forward and confessed... they did not join me. And more than that, they actively turned against me. 'Of course it was the Duskwight! It all makes perfect sense!' I pleaded with them to speak the truth, but not a one did, and many pelted me with insults and called me foul names that I don't care to repeat. Men and women who just moments before I had called friends, brothers and sisters in arms, who I had trained, worked, and fought beside for years...!"

The last bit was snarled, but it trailed off into a sigh. "...I thought them true until the moment I felt the spearpoint at my back. Thus was I alone charged, convicted, left to rot in a dungeon, and then banished upon my release. And set upon the path that would lead me to being the vengeance driven madman I described to you earlier."

"I will not betray Sun or Chara in such a manner, however. Granted, I highly doubt that those who would target them would be nearly so eager to act against me, as such cowards prefer to prey upon those they see as weak, but should the moment come, they will not stand alone. I swear it."

[ubuntu_programmer]

Ian leaned back. "The problem is pretty much found in your story. Until that moment comes... Sun, Chara, you, me, anyone really... especially anyone who has ever been betrayed before or who has betrayed someone themselves... we all have that little voice in our heads reminding ourselves that the dedication to stand with someone else is untested. But if we're lucky, there never is a chance to test it. And for some of us, that is a blade that cuts no matter what happens. There is never anything where someone needs to stand with you, so you always doubt if they will... or something that bad happens and they do stand with you... and you forever blame yourself that they got burned in your fire. Sometimes being alive... just that, just being alive... is really really difficult."

Ian ran a hand through their hair. "With Chara... on the surface it is easier, they're a child. So you can stand between them and danger more without doing damage, and even a child who has been betrayed as much as Chara has... There is still the chance that they want to believe more than they are afraid to. But for someone like Sun..." Someone like Ian as well, to a lesser degree these days. As a teen though...

"For someone like Sun... he may find it hard to believe. Because like you he's been betrayed before. It becomes hard to trust when there is no proof. And when there is proof there is always guilt that the person who stood with you got hurt possibly. Because of you. And also guilt at the relief you feel that they proved trust worthy because then you feel guilty for ever having doubted them. Sometimes... it feels easier to try and keep a distance to keep from those thoughts. To keep others safe from the fires you face and to keep yourself safe from the fear of betrayal and the guilt if it doesn't come. It... isn't the most fun ride ever. But that distance... it isn't good either. It is so lonely it is painful, and the guilt is still there. All the people you hurt trying to protect yourself by pushing them away."

"So far... I've only found two things that truly help, and neither of them is easy. Time is one. Patience is the other. No matter what you or I do for Sun, or each other even... it isn't going to be as easy as we might hope for the person we want to be there for to be able to fully trust that we will stand with them, no matter how much they want to trust. I've... I've pushed so many people away so many times, only to desperately try to claw them back because alone is just so... empty. We need to have patience with them. And... with ourselves. Life is messy. No matter what species or race or marginalized group we come from... being alive is hard work. And...."

They winced. "And I just went way off field on a tangent and lost my point in the middle there. Sorry. The point I was trying to make was that I believe you when you say you'll be there to stand with Sun and Chara. But my believing it doesn't mean they will. And them wanting to believe doesn't mean they will either. And sometimes it can be hard to not be believed, not be trusted... Sometimes it is harder to stand there at the side of someone at war with themselves than you think you can take. And... Yeah, I've lost my point again. Really wishing Ben were here right now."

[mist_the_point]

Foulques shook his head. "You speak from your heart," he said. "While such often lacks clarity by its very nature, it has far more truth in it if one is willing to listen. And while I can't claim to know your friend and what he might say, I find I prefer speaking to one who carries some of the same hard truths deep in their bones. I've already told you more than I've told most in this world, because I would not lay such a burden on the shoulders of one who did not know how to bear it."

He considered for a moment, frowning thoughtfully. "Chara, whatever may have happened to them, is a child, and sees the world through a child's eyes. Things are either one thing or the other, with little space for nuance. All humans are wicked, and all monsters good, and the like. You and I know that the world and the people who inhabit it are never so simple, but they are not yet quite able to make those distinctions. This will likely make convincing them easier in some ways, but more difficult in others."

"Meanwhile, Sun, for all the oddities his nature presents, has the understanding of an adult. What he lacks is experience, and that, at least, we can provide. We can help him learn to understand that simply because things are a certain way doesn't mean that they should be. Though like many tasks, that is like to be easier said than done."

He sighed. "Time, and patience, as you said; one step at a time. Though in different ways in all cases, including my own. But for good or ill, I'm used to not being believed or trusted, often with little to no reason. At least here, I know tis not likely to be done out of malice. A cold comfort, perhaps, but a comfort nonetheless."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"I wish I had access to youtube here. Sun would probably benefit a lot from the Cinema Therapy playlist." They shook their head. "You're right, though. About us needing to help Sun with positive experiences. And we can. Hopefully."

Ian leaned back. "Trust... is always a hard one. But I'll tell you this... you gave me no reasons to mistrust you, and unless you do... any mistrust from me comes from my own scars and not from you."

[mist_the_point]

Foulques nodded. "Duskwights are often regarded as untrustworthy at best, likely to be criminal at worst," he said. "Which of course is somewhat of a self-fulfilling notion; when potential employers refuse to hire Duskwights for honest work, many are forced to become bandits or sell-swords merely to survive."

"My parents were nothing of the sort though. My mother was an amateur botanist, though only amateur because the guildmaster at the time refused to admit her, though I understand the woman who currently holds that position is much more openminded; she made teas and herbal remedies to sell. And my father was a bard; not one of any wide renown, but exceptionally gifted. None who heard him play or weave a tale could fail to be moved."

A small smile, tinged with sadness, but genuinely fond. "I spent many a peaceful evening as a child, sitting by the fire and listening to him play. I do not have nearly his skill, but as this place has seen fit to give me the impossible gift of his cherished lute, just as it gave you your blanket, I shall have to learn. It would be a poor way to honor his memory to leave his lute silent."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"I wish I could say that I have no idea what that is like, but in my world there are so many minorities you could lot into where you put yours. Based on kin color, where you were born, religion, gender, lack of gender orientation... you name it." A deep breath, "To that point, I keep meaning to thank you for something, by the way. That you so easily just use my pronouns and more importantly, Chara's. You have no idea how... affirming... it is for a child that age to feel seen, to have their basic identity accepted so easily to someone they respect and love."

As to the music there was a warm smile. "I love music. I'm actually the music anchor on our trivia team back home. Once you get the basics down, if you want I can help you learn some songs from my world."

[mist_the_point]

He quirked an eyebrow at that. "Truth be told, I wasn't certain what you preferred, and simply chose the option I felt was least likely to give offense, expecting that I'd be corrected if I was wrong," he said. "So you could say that it was simply a lucky guess in your case. It was much the same with Chara, and there's far less of an obvious distinction with children in any case. Nonetheless, you're welcome."

"Your genders never struck me as any great issue; tis not an especially common thing in my homeland, but neither is it unheard of. Eorzea is a land of many divisions and troubles, but one's gender or sex or that of one's chosen partners is seldom a source of contention. If I were to guess, that may be a consequence of there simply being so many Spoken races, whose societies, values, and sometimes physiologies are vastly different. To give just a few examples, Miqo'te Keepers of the Moon are traditionally a highly matriarchal society, while among Seekers of the Sun, each tribe is led by a male chief called a Nunh. And in Viera, a child's sex doesn't even become apparent until they reach puberty."

"And then there are beast tribes, such as the Sylphs. Sylhphs use no pronouns of any sort, for either themselves or others. Instead, everyone is 'this one' or 'that one', sometimes with a descriptor, sometimes not. And while there do seem to be two or more distinct types, given that they're Seedkin- that is, plant creatures-, gods know whether those types can truly be compared to ideas of 'male' or 'female'- or even sex or gender at all- as we might understand them. Faced with such a hodge-podge, I suspect our ancestors simply threw up their hands at some point and decided they had more pressing matters to worry about."

And while he opted not to ask what a music 'anchor' might be... "Regarding the lute, however, it did actually come with a small book of sheet music. I haven't looked at it in any great detail yet, but I could go and retrieve it, if you'd be interested."